I work as a receptionist at a hair salon.
Scratch that. I work as a Client Booking Liason. It sounds less gay when I tell people what I do. Of course they ask what that means and I have to tell them I'm a receptionist. But whatever.
People are very anal about their hair, and I'm sorry, but four weeks and five weeks is not the difference between a paper-cut and the Holocaust on your head. Birds won't take nest. I promise.
Below are some dumb questions I receive quite often and what I want to say back.
Customer on Phone: Hi, do you do hair?
Me: No. I answer the phone. But I can try if you want.
(The local hospital has a similar number.)
Customer on Phone: Is this St. Mary's?
Me: No, this is -business-.
Customer: "So this isn't St. Mary's?"
Me: Just assume everything I say is the truth.
Customer on Phone: Hi, do you have any haircuts available?
Me: No, we're sold out. The next shipment won't be in until Monday.
Customer on Phone: Hi, what days are you open?
Me: We are open Tuesday through Saturday.
Customer: So you aren't open on Monday?
Me: You caught me. We are only open on Mondays for mentally handicapped clients. Are you mentally handicapped?
(My boss is the most popular stylist in town. He is booked months in advance. This is an actual conversation.)
Customer on Phone: Hi, I would like to schedule an appointment with -stylist- for tomorrow.
Me: I'm sorry, that won't be possible. Perhaps another day?
Customer: Did you look?
Me: I'm sorry, one second. (I pretend to look) No, there aren't any available spots.
Customer: Well, when is the earliest you can get me in?
Me: Let me check. It looks like August 21st. Would you like to schedule an appointment for that day?
Customer: Are you kidding me? August 21st? That's ridiculous.
Me: I'm sorry. I can put you on the cancelation list in case someone can't make it. We'll give you a call.
Customer: I don't think you understand. I want an appointment.
(I get a little sassy from here on out.)
Me: I don't think you understand. There aren't any until August 21st.
Customer: Well is there anyone else who works there who is good?
Me: No, I'm sorry, we only hire mediocre employees.
Customer: I'm sorry. Am I a little annoyed that I can't get in until August 21st? Yes. But I'll take it.
Me: Fine. Would 6 pm work?
Customer: That's awfully late.
Me: And I got off work 5 minutes ago, but I'm staying late for you.
Customer: Fine, 6 pm will work.
(Sometimes we get walk-ins.)
Customer: Hi, is there anyone here who can cut my hair?
Me: No, sorry, none of our employees have hands.
(Actual conversation.)
Customer: I would like to schedule an appointment for a haircut.
Me: Sure, no problem, is a haircut all you'll need?
Customer: (Rudely) As opposed to what?
Me: Color, style, perm, up-do, shampoo, blow-dry, hi-lites, waxing, pedicure, manicure? The list goes on.
Customer: Oh. No. Just a haircut.
Customer: Can I get a haircut?
Me: I don't know, can you?
Those are just a few that I've gathered in a month. I'm sure I'll have more. Are there any dumb questions you get at work? Post them below!
No comments:
Post a Comment